Thursday, February 4, 2010

My OMG moment that changed everything

I've done almost every program out there; the hot dog diet, slim fast, weight watchers, atkins, the cavewoman diet (close to atkins), the rice cake diet, etc. etc. I always lost weight...but then I'd go off the diet and gain it all back and more. When I first started high school, I was 145 pounds and I looked great...only I didn't realize it at the time. Everyone else I knew was smaller than me and I thought I was huge. My weight problem only got worse. Through my teen years, I gained and gained and gained, and I was oblivious to this fact (as crazy as it sounds!). I thought, "oh, I don't look so bad...I'm okay". Little did I know how heavy I really did look. I was in major denial. Even in my 20s I kept saying to myself...oh there are people who are heavier than you are, you aren't that big...even as I was huffing and puffing from just climbing a small set of stairs. I would walk across a store and feel like I was going to die because I was so out of breath and tired. AND STILL I was in denial. Then came my turning point last year when I reached for my size 22W pants and they were snug. I took them off, held them up and realized how big those pants actually were...then I realized (in horror) how big that must've meant I was...even more so considering they were snug! Then came the photos...I took out the family photo album and flipped through...and I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't even recognize myself in the the photos I looked so heavy, I didn't want to believe that's how I really looked...I never saw myself that way in the mirror. I kept flipping through the album and the photos never changed...still the same, very heavy me, smiling and staring back. I shut the book and just cried. I stood up and walked over to the closet and got my favorite wrap dress out and put that on for comparison...and then I walked over to the full mirror and was horrified. I looked so big in the dress...I looked like a balloon with circular patterns. I immedietaly took the dress off and ripped through my clothes looking for something that looked remotely OK. I finally found a pair of jeans that I could get up and button (though still snug) and a very baggy shirt. I stopped looking in the mirror...except when I did my make up (and that was a very small mirror). My stepdad lost his job last spring and that was extremely hard. My mom and I just sat at our laptops all day long, eating, and looking for jobs for my stepdad. I lied to my friends and told them I was walking everyday...I was so ashamed of myself for becoming a sluggish lump. Then my stepdad got a job and the weight of the world was off my mom's and my shoulders. My mom and I looked at each other and we both were thinking the same thing...we NEED to get into shape! We then began working out with Turbo Jam and at first it was a challenge...I was very out of shape, but I stuck with the modified versions and got through. Then the workouts began to get a little better and I was adding more movement and really getting into it. I began losing weight and I started to feel better about myself. In december of 2009 I also added ChaLEAN Extreme into the mix and lost even more weight. I now have muscle definition in my arms and legs and have lost 50 pounds. My mom has also lost 50 pounds. I feel so much better about myself. I still have some ways to go with my weight loss journey, but I'm loving how I feel already. I have tons of energy and no longer feel as if I'm dying when I run up the stairs. I look forward to working out (something I never thought would happen). I'm also participating in the Relay for Life and in the pound for pound challenge. 2009 was such a hard year for me (my grandma passed away from lung cancer, my friend's dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, my stepdad lost his job, etc) that I feel like I was cheated out of a year of my life. Although I can't change my past, I know that I can change my future. 2010 is going to be the year that I push way past my comfort zone and really live.

My workout programs:
-ChaLEAN Extreme
-Turbo Jam
-Hip Hop Hustle
-Jogging (have to train for my relay!)

Workout programs I want to try:

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